The Weekend Insomnia

The Weekend and Insomnia could qualify as an excellent antonym. But on the contrary, that’s exactly what it didn't to me last weekend. The last weekend in Zurich, left me a pretty too exhausted than the work days. The reason was that I had a bit too much time for me than what I can handle. It's really strange how too much of a personal time becomes loneliness and too less of it stress.

This weekend started like a pretty normal day with sleep till late morning, coffee, guitar, internet, etc. But this was all done by late Saturday afternoon. Now unlike India, in Switzerland silence is really valued. So even after straining my eyes and ears for hours to catch some noise, I ended up failing miserably. Now I don't know why but after a while silence seems really annoying to me. It's not that I need to talk every now and then, but yes I need to hear voices around just to make me feel that I am still alive.

So I started becoming restless by Saturday evening. Even watching back to back episodes of Friends, movies, etc. didn't really help it much. So I decided it was time to launch my deadliest weapon to destruct this boredom….sleep!

So off I went to a compulsive sleep. It's amazing how sleep can cure boredom for a while. Nothing works better to kill time than sleep. But then the inconceivable occurred. I woke up around 2:00 am in the night. The silence around was enough to make me realize that the massive thumping that I was hearing was of my own heart beat. And the rules in Switzerland don't allow you to make any noise after 10:00 pm. So what to do? Ohh..yes, I remembered my childhood, count sheep in the yard..1,2,3,4,5…….200….400…500…and duh..uh.. it worked and I was asleep again. Isn't it funny how silly tricks of childhood still work?

So the sun shines the next day. It was a good bright light that entered the room and of course why not after all it was the God's own day…the Sunday. But ohh my god…! I just woke up. I had nothing to do the entire Saturday and there I was again to begin a free day. Hello…all the shops and places in Zurich are closed too on a Sunday. So just like a soldier who is stuck between cross fires, I decided at least I'll go down fighting. So I thought let's try launching the deadly weapon of sleep again. But nope…the enemy was prepared this time. Nothing doing! Count as many sheep as I wanted…it was not going to happen now.  I was wide awake. The guitar, coffee, books, everything seemed boring and irritating. I tried to watch few more movies but even they seemed more or, less tiring. Ohh…how much I wished I could fall back to sleep. But it didn't happen! Tired of this I started strolling on streets aimlessly. But it's not that fun. So finally after few hours of failed frustrated attempts I returned back to my apartment. And then the Sunday hit back with a vengeance for his brother Saturday. The sleep kept eluding me the entire night. I realized there can be times when even darkness, soft pillow, a big bed and even soft music doesn't helps.  Finally the day dawned and I got up from the bed Monday morning, happy that I have a day to go to office. I never really thought a Monday morning could ever bring me more hope and energy than the God's own day. 

Ohh..my god, am I going crazy...because I guess I have just starting loving Mondays!! ;-D

The Guitar Crush

It's amazing how a small wooden instrument can infuse so much adulation in people. Believe me or, not but just a guitar hanging from your shoulder can make a big difference in terms of attracting envy and admiration at the same time. 

I remember how there was a mad craze among people to learn guitar when I was a kid. The kids used to hang around just to get a feel of the wooden stuff and pose with it for some style. It was really funny as there were always more people around than the people who actually played guitar or, those who were trying their best to learn it.

I never understood this fiasco. They were so many people who wanted to learn guitar. They did bought an expensive one, joined classes, came for a week, and then all of a sudden …woof…they disappeared! And it happened to every 1 out of 4 students. The plausible reasons:

1.  May be they wanted to tell everyone they were learning it and that itself made them popular.

2.  May be they wanted to straight away become Keith Urban. Too bad they didn't realize it was like climbing a cliff straight up.

3.  The fingers hurt a lot initially and most of them are not able to console that pain with the bad zing-zings that they make in the early months.

4. The initial feedback serves as a moral breaker for some of them.

5. All they want to learn is few songs. That too the real tough ones and nobody has the patience to go step by step.

Sorry…! But this doesn't works out this way, because at least this is something in life in which there is definitely No short cuts.

Learning guitar is just like falling in love. You see someone, you get attracted to her/him, start going out with her/him, slowly with time you start liking the person even more, the attraction becomes stronger and intimate and before you even realize it is getting serious, you are already in love! That's exactly the way a guitar grows on you. You never know when it ceases to be a non-living thing and becomes a part of your existence.

That's why I say for playing guitar you need to be in love with it. It can be a crush initially but it should mature to a serious love and it better be fast.

And please don't learn it just because you need to build up a social image, acceptability or, serve your designs of wooing girls. As believe me, it won't work. You would end up a looser. The reason being that just like a relationship, if you don't start it with an honest effort, chances are that later you may try everything but it won't work out in the end. 

So as a final advice, I would say….just let your self fall in love with this beautiful wooden beauty. And trust me…this would be the only love of your life which would never hurt....instead would grow stronger with time and even cleanse your soul of all the sorrows, fatigue and frustrations of life.

Victim is always guilty!

That's a funny phrase....because it should always be the other way round...but no it's not! ;-)

It's definetly true and I had to go through an experiance to understand how valid this is. It was a small issue of a negligence on my part to land up into a big problem. It could had been avoided if the others involved in this would have been a little concerned and supportive. But they didn't do their part of the duty and in the end I was the one who ended up bruised and mutilated.

The post mortem was scheduled after the problem was re-solved. The stage was set for the trial. The jury, solicitor, bench, witnesses, etc. all assembled for the great trial.

The case was build up by the solicitor with a great poise and precision. The witnesses as usual sided with the powerful and the mightier. The words were twisted...taught and rendered to suit the pre-staged drama.

And then..the victim was asked for an explaination. That's the only ethical conduct in a trial ;-)
The victim put forward a plea. Stating that he did accept his crime but he is not solely responsible for it. He has been framed into it. He has suffered, bled and lost so much because of it. It's not intentional...It's not delibrate... and It's not at all logical!

And finaly the verdict was announced by the Judge...

'Victim is guilty!'

Feeling Lonely...

Pain is one of the most unique human emotion...its grey in shade..heavy on heart..but its beautiful in its own way. It brings you closer to your ownself.

I distinctly remember how happiness kept me elated and joyous, but the pain has made me stronger. I know now, how it feels to get hurt...how it feels to have lost...how it feels to have been left alone and deserted.

Its like a wound,which even after healing would leave a mark and would hurt at times too. But its a reminder of your sufferings...your actions...and sometimes ,even of people who made you go through it. It reasserts the belief that nothing goes into oblivion...it leaves a mark...a recognition of your past.

You cannot just move on with life...a part of you is always left with the moments that you had lived.Sometimes these moments become a lifetime...and sometimes just a desire.

No doubt the pain would always lead to agony and suffering...it has always been. But it's sorrow and despair is a realization...it may make you bitter and acrid...but it also makes you wiser and mature.

udhasi dhoop ki chalakti hui roshni ki tarah,
dheere-dheere mehkti hui khushboo ki tarah,
sanso mein pighalti jati hai...,
aur reh jaata hai ek ehsaas...bus..ek ehsaas...

I love you...

Love is pious...Love is wonderful...Love speaks its own language..its magical..infact, Love is life.

Is this what you believed till now ???

Wake up call, guys and gals...welcome to 21st century !!!!

There is nothing called as LOVE anymore...its all a delusion..nothing but a mirage..

Its love re-modelled...it is no more pious,sweet,wonderful or,in itself life.Its just a mutual, need based demand and supply requirement for living together.All love is now, is a lucrative prospect of a stable and secured life.

It doesn't matter, if you intensely love someone...even if all you do, is think about him or,her.It doesn't matter, if that person is all you value...or even, if you find everything about him or,her cute.It doesn't matter, if you simply adore him or,her...even if the only reason, that you want to live, is to just to see him or,her smile.

It really doesn't matters....

What really matters is....

how good are you placed in your career and life...??how much money do you have...??do you have a car and a house of your own...???Are you of the right age...??how much socially acceptable you are...???does your families know each other...???would your parents approve of this arrangement...???

Does it sounds,ridiculous?? NO na,exactly..that's why we call this thought process as practical and rational !!!!

And I am sorry my friend if you think otherwise...because then you are nothing but an emotional fool.

Life moves on...and so should you.

And if you can't...then sit ,cry and brood (that too alone, because you would be abandoned and banished !!) .In this life of rationality and materialism the only thing that comes cheap are tears....and believe me even in this age, they still taste sour and salty...

Life at a price!

I always enjoyed the cool summer nights.

The touch of its soft breeze felt like a passionate kiss....The warmth of its simmering moonlight like a rekindled log fire.Its a feeling of an austerious solitude......gratifying the sole with a deep contentious happiness.

A feeling beyond the comprehensive domain of expression.

I still feel nostalgic about those summer nights in my childhood.We used to sleep at the roof top with stars glittering above ...with the incessant chanting and giggling of my cousins...it was so much fun then.

Life was so simple,content and innocent then.

Things have really changed now...Sensitivity is not a virtue now...its a curse.

Now the summer nights don't signify the same happiness and joy. Now lieng on a roof top with the sky above is not reality...having a true companionship is a mirage.In search of hollow success,money and social acceptability, the simple joy of living has invariably lost.

Frustation for career,growth and power has increased. Search for materialistic pleasures and desires have grown..But the feeling of mutual love and compasion has decreased...The value of time in terms of money and investment has increased... but the essence of time as such is lost.

Those summer nights...glittering stars...companionship.. all of them were priceless then...

And now... everything out there has a price.

Critical choice....

I was always told as a kid... that we are made by the choices we make. And that these choices are what determine our lives and existence.

But even as a kid I was confused if this really was the facet of the truth. The choices we make are made either by the heart or, by the mind. And what I feel is more critical is , to decide which to listen to rather than the choices we make.

Sometimes the end to means become more important than the means themself. The choice we made could be the best to make ... but it still may not be the right one , just because the means to it could be the wrong one.

Sometimes giving up a lucrative offer just for the sake of a loved one could be ridiculous from some one's perception and priceless from someone else's .Thus the choices we make are relative to individual perceptions.

At the end what matters is the essence of the choice and its end to means , because choices would always be individualistic but the beauty of it would always lie in the process of its realization.